Paul, Catholic Homosexual

 21 GAY POPES, CARDINALS AND ASSORTED CATHOLIC LEADERS. – BISHOP PAT BUCKLEY

I’m Paul, I’m a Roman Catholic and I study and write about Papal history, amongst other topics. I am also an active but closet Homosexual who enjoys indulging in promiscuous oral and anal sex with other gentlemen. After a life including a long ‘association’ with the Church, I believe fellatio and sodomy are profoundly not ‘Sins’, having nothing whatsoever to do with whether you are a good, kind, community-orientated person or not.

For years I presented as a straight forward, Heterosexual young man.  But, underneath, the powerful currents of latent homosexuality were stirring. Visiting a monastery in southern England, 1985-1990, to pursue research into Church history, I had my first casual intimations that all was not as I thought about myself. 

Browsing in the monastery library, after a chance find, I became tempted to begin to read voraciously all I could about the history of sodomy / buggery, and the Church's teachings on this. There was a wealth of fascinating historical information, I was surprised, it was an eye-opener! I had never thought about the long history of men entering other men's bottoms for pleasure, it opened-up a world of new possibilities, even if they were considered to be illicit.

I totally disagreed with the Church's harsh doctrines repressing it, but I got into the subject itself, finding myself excited and playing with my erection in my pants, trying to imagine myself in that position! I found it most relaxing with no women around, enjoying the male-only atmosphere. Meeting other male guests, on a number of occasions, I found myself in homoerotic situations, soon involving hugging, guests groping my genitalia and bottom through my trousers, and eventually even mutual masturbation to orgasm, which I felt guilty about but also highly stimulated by.

The first time seemed so innocent, this older guest and myself got talking, I was 25 and a virgin, he was about 45... we went for a walk together, then one evening to my room to continue talking quietly after 'Greater Silence' at 9.30pm. We sat on my bed, talking of male friendship, him patting my thigh. He said he would like to show me his erection... I had not seen another guy's erection since my Grammar School days, so I readily agreed. He got it out and it looked great, my own penis started to harden. He asked to see my penis, so I got it out, embarrassed that it was erect, harder than I got for my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, Betty. He said it was fine, and we started to masturbate eachother, it all felt really nice. He said there was nothing wrong in men giving eachother relief, but not to tell anyone. On another visit, he persuaded me to take my trousers and pants down, smacking my bare bottom over his lap, "just for a bit of fun." I was happy to oblige. My bottom got very red and warm, I really enjoyed that, it was very nice indeed, I found I liked it very much, quickly getting a full erection. I found I increasingly liked this kind of fun with guys much more than my often fruitless attempts to get hard messing around with my girlfriend, but my extremely naive mind still refused to make the link to my - obvious as it is now - latent homosexuality, shock, horror!

These encounters did not seem ‘immoral’, I never thought of them as sinful, but I worried deeply about being discovered and exposed in front of my parents, my girlfriend - with whom I never had intercourse in three years - and at work. In my naivety, I told myself it was just a harmless, passing phase occasioned by the new experiences of an enclosed male world. I masturbated, increasingly thrilled by the sight of other men's penises, while maintaining vaginal chastity with my girlfriend Betty H., 1982-1985... and my next girlfriend Jane R., 1986-1987. With both females, I increasingly engaged purely in consensual anal intercourse - I have never felt that sodomy is a sin. Neither of my girlfriends felt it was sinful either - my first girlfriend was a practising Christian who had wanted to be an Anglican nun like her aunt, but gave it up due to her ever increasing desire for sexual gratification through oral and, later, anal intercourse. We were on the same wavelength and she never said she thought I was homosexual. We considered buggery as our normal sex of choice! For my part, I never desired to go in her vagina, which neither of us saw as a problem. Betty unwittingly gave a huge boost to my homosexual journey, though I never told her about my homoerotic experiences in the monastery, she thought my mind was on research and purely spiritual matters there!

My first girlfriend, Betty: photo sessions invariably led to fully consensual, homoerotic anal intercourse, I confess I never once entered her vagina in three years, we were in total agreement that neither of us wanted that! I fdiscovered the joy of buggery / sodomy in Miss Hansell's tight anus, no condoms, filling her anal passage with my semen!🌈🌈🌈

One elderly Father at the monastery also made a point of hugging me a lot, one hand feeling my bottom and also my crotch, which invariably gave me a full erection in my pants. His hand would get inside the zip of my trousers and manipulate my penis through my pants. At the time, I worried about the ‘appropriateness’ of this, but I always enjoyed it… a number of times he groped my crotch to such an extent that I had an orgasm in my pants, which he must have been fully aware of, as he too often gave a satisfied  ‘grunt’ before ceasing his rubbing. I admit I made no effort to resist, it must have been obvious to him that I was enjoyably obtaining sexual relief too, though we never said a single word about it. It was NOT ‘abuse’ - I was an adult, and it was fully consensual. He was a good monk and priest, I don't regret any aspect of his silent but highly pleasurable and formative ministrations. In a way, I regard these highly charged fumblings in my pants as the first ‘official’ sanction, recognition and celebration of my homosexuality within a Catholic Christian context. 

It was another professed monk friend in Rome who first mentored me to kneel and suck his penis when I was on a research visit in 2007. I certainly discovered far more than I bargained for! A ‘revelation’! I had to confront my profound latent homosexuality, which was a real blessing in its own right. In conversation I shared that, in general, I had long since lost the ability to get an erection for the ladies, except for when I indulged in fellatio or buggery / sodomy with them. My friend asked pertinent questions, and uncovered my deep fascination with fellatio, and, noting my growing sexual arousal, offered me the opportunity to kneel and do it for him! He also got me to confess, and admit out loud for the first time “MY NAME IS PAUL SPACKMAN, I’M HOMOSEXUAL AND I LOVE SUCKING PENIS!”

Me, Paul Spackman, Closet Homosexual

For the rest of my stay in Rome we met daily in my guest room to pray together and for me to perform the oral act on him. Whether he immediately told others in his community about the ‘English author guest’ I am not sure, but over the next few days a number gave my bottom a ‘friendly’ pat or squeeze, which I enjoyed, standing quietly and letting them feel it for as long as they wanted as I got an erection in my pants. I was fully ‘converted… back in the UK, I began doing it in lay bys, parks, woods, toilets, each experience part of a fascinating learning curve. From then on all my trips away have included much homosexual as well as academic research… Rome 2008, by which time I was the ‘gay Englishman’, when my friend also introduced me to a closet gay secular priest and a Catholic laymen; New Mexico 2012, to where my friend had transferred by then; London many times… My friend passed away in 2023, but he has left a lasting legacy of homosexual pleasure and release for which I am eternally grateful.

A close, long time Anglican friend introduced me to receiving sodomy in 2009, a wonderful legacy as sadly he passed away in 2018, God Bless him. After a few drinks, we went back to his flat, where I had adopted the habit of partly crossdressing in microskirt, black tights and high heels. Neither of us spoke of homosexuality, and my friend always insisted he was Straight - publicly I present as Straight too, it just seemed natural that, lacking female company, one of us - me - would provide some femininity. It was very relaxed, he often commenting how great my legs and bottom looked. I was very gratified at my friend's compliments, man to man, a masculine critique of my legs and rear in sheer black pantyhose. [A very dear, married Lithuanian atheist friend, Jolanta, whom I knew from 2007 until she passed away in 2015, often said that my legs and bottom looked better than hers in black nylons! I honestly agreed with her - my legs were shaplier, my bottom plumper, I did look prettier, sexier than her, more feminine.]

My sexy legs and tiny, limp penis...

Jolanta's legs... [She exhibited everything 'professionally' upskirt as a 'companion' / 'escort' / 'hostess' / 'model' 💲💲💲; I paid to intimately examine her nyloned anal hole, very educational, I learned a lot about myself and homosexuality from this kindly casual sex-worker. She accepted me mounting her anus as a mutually acknowledged homosexual, to our mutual satisfaction. I totally ignored her vagina. On viewing her anal hole, I immediately got a full erection, mounted and vigorously sodomised her. Jolanta stated this was proof that I am homosexual, I joyfully agreed. She encouraged my repeated entry of her tight anus, fuelling my homosexual desires.]

This particular evening, we began discussing fellatio, he talking about receiving it, me about giving it, both feeling aroused. He had not had a girlfriend for a very long time - unsurprisingly I now realise - and he laughingly suggested I could bend over for him instead... I readily agreed, and he raised the back of my miniskirt, lowered my black tights and sodomised me, a great joy…with his penis determinedly probing vigorously in my bottom I got a full, hard erection myself, something of increasing rarity for me! When Ian came in my asshole, I almost simultaneously spurted with pleasure myself. Naturally, I regularly returned for more each time I revisited my home town, all very discreet, nobody else ever knew we had an flourishing anal relationship, with me entirely happy in the 'girlfriend' role.

So, for some years now I have found regular sexual relief in promiscuously performing homosexual fellatio on other gentlemen, and in being sodomised myself, without seeing any discrepancy or contradiction in these acts and my belief in Christian, specifically Roman Catholic, Love, Forgiveness, Charity and Inclusiveness! I yearn for the Roman Catholic Church to finally reach spiritual maturity, and embrace, promote and celebrate inclusivity and homosexuality! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🙏🏻✝️

"I pray on my knees, and I suck cocks on my knees!"

I can be contacted, discreetly and in mutual confidence, here, or on WhatsApp (TEXT ONLY) in the UK on 07754 864201, to discuss Papal history and/or to hookup for adult homosexual relief, 18+ only.

I present as Straight, and would be most gratified to receive serious offers of academic research visits, talks on the Papacy, participation in conferences and so on, but if these also involved #horny but discreet homosexual liaisons in mutual confidence, so much the better, I would be truly delighted. Interracial is very welcome, as I have great respect for huge Black phalluses! 🙏🏻✝️🏳️‍🌈♠️♠♠

spackmanpaulya - Gays-Cruising.com

Paul Spackman - Academia.edu

https://www.quora.com/profile/PaulKneeler

Paul: Catholic and Sodomite

I did enjoy sucking on my friend's long, thin but hard dick, Bless him! Along with the bare-bottom spankings he gave me, it was a truly wonderful initiation into the world of  #gay #homosexual eroticism 🙏🙏